Dear Colton,
Yesterday we had your memorial service. It was a sweet time to remember and honor you. We released some balloons up to you. I hope you enjoyed seeing them. You had so many family members who never got to meet you come because they love you so much. We felt God close to us with all the prayers, support and love that people showed us
Sweet baby, you’ve already made a huge impact on others lives. We’ve had so many people come up to your dad and I telling us how their perspective on things have changed after hearing about you. New relationships are forming with others because we share in the common bond of loss. God is doing some amazing things because of you. I’m thankful to be your mama and so blessed you are my little boy.
I thought a lot about you yesterday. As we drove up to our church I got tears in my eyes. It was the first time being there since we lost you. I had envisioned what that day would look like when we would take you to church for the first time. I imagined you in your little car seat, cooing and making your adorable newborn sounds. You would be wearing one of the many outfits I had picked out specifically for you to look so handsome in. We would pull up and park, your dad would be carrying you in the car seat with one hand and the other holding mine. I dreamt about introducing you to all our friends and church family. I imagined dropping you off in the preschool nursery when you got older and picking you up after service; giving you a huge hug and hearing about what you learned. I pictured you holding in your little hand a picture you scribbled on with stickers and would tell us what you learned about Jesus. My sweet baby, you of all people know Jesus better than anyone right now because you are with him. That is such a comforting thought.
When I was helping with Sunday school while I was pregnant with you, I would look around and watch the kids sing praise music at the beginning and would think how I couldn’t wait to hear you sing those songs. Now, while were at church singing and praising our Savior I’ll be thinking about you. I will picture in my mind you sitting at Gods feet. Even though I will never get to do those things with you I know you will always be with us when we’re at church. I will be thinking about you in heaven as we learn more about our Savior.
Through you, God has allowed my viewpoint on worship to be changed forever. I know some people may struggle with how I could be worshiping and praising our God so shortly after losing you. But I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. We didn’t lose you forever on April 25th, we gained a son and became a family of three. We may not have a life with you here on earth but we look forward to when we will be reunited with you.
Someone shared this with us about seeing you again and it will forever stick in my mind, “The wait will be long for us, but short for him.”
We also are reminded that life is so precious and short. Nothing easy is guaranteed in this broken world. The only truth I can hold on to is God is our Lord and Savior. He sent his son to this earth to die on the cross for our sins, so that we can have eternal hope and everlasting life. When we choose to follow and have a personal relationship with God we look forward to spending forever with him. This life is ugly and painful. Life will never be an easy road.
“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23
“But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.” 1 Peter 4:13
I love you my sweet baby. I look forward to being reminded of you throughout my life. You will forever share my heart.
“I carried you every second of your life…and I will love you every second of mine.”