Is This Really Happening? – Part 2

After the first night in the hospital and going to bed with some type of peace, waking up did not feel the same. I tossed and turned on the pull-out couch that I used as my bed beside Marie. The weather was gloomy and overcast, not exactly how I wanted to start off the morning since this was the day I knew we would be delivering Colton, our little man. There was a hurtful ache in my stomach as I tried to shower and feel clean to help give myself even just a small boost.

Pastor Tom came by that morning again to check-up and see how we were doing. We chatted with him a while, gave the update of our conversation with Nurse Al the night before, and sat down and prayed together. I found myself being highly encouraged by our prayer that morning, knowing that we won’t have to wait long before the delivery is over. Having to wait for that is one of the most stressful times in my life, I do not wish it upon anyone. You feel helpless and the only thing on your mind is to look at clock and wonder when all of this can be over.

In the mid morning, Petocin was given to Marie in the IV to start getting her contractions going. At first they took a while to show up on the monitor but as the morning progressed the graph started to make lots of hills and valleys, indicating that her body was responding to the medicine. Watching my wife sit in her bed all morning and knowing that she was numb from the waist down gave me a longing to comfort her even more. She wasn’t able to get out of bed for anything, you can imagine how that feels for myself, being able to walk about the room without anything connected to me, eating anything, going to the bathroom and showering when I wanted. Even though Marie was being taken care of by one of the best nurses at Memorial Hermann, Robin, there were things that I pitched in to help with to serve my beautiful wife that was in pain. The Petocin medicine that Marie was on had an impact on her body if left laying in a single position for an extended length of time. This required the nurse to flip and move Marie from side-to-side throughout the day in order to rotate her body. It was an extremely humbling experience to see the look in Marie’s eyes as she was dependent on the help of Robin and myself to help make her feel better while bound to the bed.

My Dad and Jackie came down to the hospital around 1pm that day to see how things were going and to visit a bit. There was time to have some lunch from the hospital and visit for a few hours with family and friends that popped in and out. During the afternoon Marie’s contractions started to increase and ramp up but the pain was increasing so there was discussion of redoing her epidural before she went into delivery later in the evening. Robin contacted the Anesthesiologist and within the hour he was able to replace Marie’s epidural with brand new medicine. With the increased contractions, Marie voiced that she was having lots of pressure, she was checked and it was time to start the delivery process. A doctor from the Pink Women’s Center was her OB-GYN and showed up not long after that. During the preparation I watched the nurses and doctor put on the gowns, gloves and equipment that would allow them to help bring our little man into our arms. Looking back that was a large turning point for our day, what we were waiting for was actually happening and there wasn’t an option to turn back.

We were ready. Robin had personally asked me to hold Marie’s right leg up while she was pushing and help coach. As we started the process I looked over at my wife, she looked back at me, and I asked “Are you ready?!”, “Yes” she replied and took a deep breath and started pushing. Through tears, breaks from pushing, Robin and I coaching Marie, we delivered Colton in roughly an hour and a half. This totaled 5,400 seconds of going through an experience that I will never forget. As painful as it was to witness this with my better other half, I am so incredibly proud to work as a team with her to deliver our son, she is an amazing woman of strength. God definitely provided a sense of focus and determination.

Towards the end of the delivery, I caught a glimpse of Colton being separated from the table and right then they determined what the cause was on how we lost our son. A large knot in the cord had formed and cut off his circulation. Two days ago Marie and I were at home and he was kicking, so sometime Sunday night the little guy decided to tighten up the cord some more and he quietly moved on. There was a calming feeling that rushed over me as I just starred at that knot as if I was mesmerized by getting some type of closure knowing he didn’t suffer or was lost by anything that Marie or I did. I decided not to cut the cord, I could not see any benefit to performing that duty given the circumstances. While Colton was being cleaned off, the doctor started to stitch up my wife and tears started to form behind the glasses she was wearing. She didn’t have to say a word, I knew what she was feeling inside. Going through 9 months of seeing your patient carry a child, battle three breast infections, an entire body rash caused by the PUPPPS rash, and now seeing this happen, how can you not be sympathetic? I personally feel that our doctor was amazing and so were the nurse staff, without them we could not have done anything, truly a blessing from our Lord.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 – Two people are better than one because together they have a good reward for their hard work.

Eventually everything was cleaned up. Al finished preparing Colton for us to hold. We decided we wanted to spend some time with our son, just the three of us, this time is so limited due to the fact that we only have a few days in the hospital before we will be released and never get this time back, ever. I wanted to take some photos of this majestic little man, my son, my own flesh and blood. There were lots of thoughts going on in my head at this time before we saw him. I was scared, nervous, anxious, I wanted to just go sit in a corner and cry. This shouldn’t be happening, I shouldn’t be here with my wife holding our son that does not have a live heartbeat, but I was. Al brought over our incredible miracle and Marie held him in her arms. He was so beautiful, words cannot describe how seeing him instantly provided a peace and calmness over me. I took some black and white photos with my iPhone and they came out wonderful. They captured the moment of the first time holding our own child, as hard as it was it was still a joyful time. I am so thankful that I was able to physically see my son, feel his skin, tell him that I loved him in person, and jealous that he is with our Lord Jesus in heaven.

Marie’s parents came in next to see him and my Dad and Jackie returned to the hospital just in time to be able to see him as well. There were a lot of tears that night over our son, not only because we were able to spend time with him, but also the fact that a milestone had been accomplished. Both Marie and I wanted the delivery to just be over and now it was. I thought about what was next for this week, how could things get any worse?

The rest of the night consisted of eating dinner and hanging out with friends, winding down and reflecting on the day.

Later we were moved from the delivery room to a more private room for Marie, little did I know that within the next hour I would be admitted to the ER myself at the hospital due to a viral infection…


  1. Valerie McGill on May 9, 2017 at 11:44 am

    Thank you for sharing your moving heartfelt story.

  2. Terry Rademacher on May 9, 2017 at 6:26 pm

    Alex n Marie- I’m continuing to say prayers for both of you and your little angel Colton. I’m so sorry you had to go through something like this

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